Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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