I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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