I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
