Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
