Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
