Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
