no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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