i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
