why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
