Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
