i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
