Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
