i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
