in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize