So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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