Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
