The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
