I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
