mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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