I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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