She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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