I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
