i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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