it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
