I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
