It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
