She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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