I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
