Yo dont text me then not text me
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
