opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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