I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
