I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
