I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
