Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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