you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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