They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
