how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
