Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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