very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
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