I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize