I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
