A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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