she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
