Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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