this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
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