Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Can i not drive my cunt home
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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