I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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