It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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