Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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