What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
