1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
