We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
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