I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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