We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
