It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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