Will you blow on my dice?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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