I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
