idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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