I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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