using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize