Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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