gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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