Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
