I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
