Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize