mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
