Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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