Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
